The Spells of Self-Worth Demystified
At its essence, I realize my ideas of my own self-worth come from my relationship to nourishment which was developed as a newborn and so is based upon the care I received then – the love, the food, having an easeful place to live, friends, caring family community. All of these created set points of how I felt I deserved care in my life. And, they establish what I can let in, what I can effortlessly receive without feeling like I “owe” something or that I must say “no” to because it just feels uncomfortable, patronizing or charitable - or that might trigger my pride.
And, while I’ve created a life of having more than I had as a newborn, I “over pay” for it in life force and resources, because I do not believe I am deserving. I work very hard – with the feeling of running away from an eventual poverty which may catch me. And, while flow and purpose also require engaging, there is a feeling of being fed by these efforts rather than the opposite.
What I am finding after many years of strengthening my nervous system – through food, nourishment, care, connection with self, other, my sexuality, is that I now have the ability to see and the strength to grieve for this time. I can grieve for the child in me that didn’t have food – that doesn’t understand the natural flow of possibility. I can grieve for me and release. Release these and see these old set points as just that and begin to reset my relationship with life.
All these white people that came here to make trouble for us are possessed by the troubled ghosts of their ancestors. This is because where the white men come from, people don’t grieve. Because their dead are not at peace, the living cannot be either. This is terrible. These people are empty inside. Someone who does not have an inside cannot teach anyone anything.
- Malidoma Somé
To fully understand this quote I believe you have to substitute Western people for white people. Because by now we have all been indoctrinated into Western culture. If you doubt that, simply have a look at your own relationship to grief. I raise this, this week because this whole thing is about turning toward grief, knowing that not only can you survive it, but that you’re lighter and freer on the other side. You can grieve alone, and grieving with community is so so much easier.
Join my community. Let’s do this together.
At the threshold, when the depths of pain are grieved and my knowing says choose more now, I feel the fear of my brilliance – my resentment for it. The pain it’s caused. The imprint of the pain that once happened when I was revealed? Same time, a grieving for a life lived less than - the times I said “no” before thinking I was less or safer because that seemed true. Accepting that that is where I was truthfully. Seeing my life with understanding. And also, that this is where I am now – having created foundation and support. A woman. And the true choice this time is different – because it is Me.
Who is the you underneath?
What is the feeling of your life force?
What is ready to grieve?
What do you need to begin?
