JLC Newsletter, New Moon, May 30 2022

True Nourishment

For the last five years, I’ve deepened my relationship with my body. Before that it I held her (my body) under a certain kind of restraint – more muscle here, tighter there, how much do I weigh? So many different diets and regimens - occasionally, I’d do what felt right – eat a cookie or two, go for a walk to clear my head, yoga.

As I studied more about self, about orgasmic meditation, about belief patterns – and with a nudge from my coach at the time, I let the restraints go. It was just so freeing. To let all of the counting and measuring and most of all the worrying- go! The part of me that always had an eye on me – I let that part go and began a journey into allowing Me the deeper me to guide me. To attune with the knowing of my body and what she needed. To allow for the layers of protection in the form of more body to be okay. To enjoy the curvaceousness of me and practice approval, rather than restriction. Since then, it’s bee about allowing the deprived part to eat, and also about the scared parts to have down time, and to attune with a deeper nutrition.

It feels like hundreds of layers were between me and Me, and I wanted to remember how to enjoy being in a body – how to satiate myself – how to move, how to nourish, how to sleep, how to run, how to have sex with a care-filled atunement. These are all practices, and there is a truth that I’m finding underneath that is leading me to Me.

For a couple of weeks, I ate grilled cheese sandwiches and cookie dough. Then I just explored. I loved having the freedom to do whatever I wanted without the restrictions I usually placed. It opened up so much life for me. And for a couple of years I continued. I certainly gained weight, and this was all weight that my body needed, indications of places where there was more nourishment needed, more protection possibly. I needed to know who I really was when I let go. So that I could see myself. And love that Jenny with ease and care, and from that place come into relationship with what having and caring for my body really means. When do I feed her? What does she like to eat? When does she want to move?

For a couple of years, I really just needed a lot of rest and food. A recharge from the years prior – to come back to me. I keep regular support and community of practitioners because my particular path is about learning and realizing me. It just is. There’s a drive in me that is unstoppable in that regard and so I’ve created all of the support I can for that.

Once I finally rested, and my current teacher Perri Chase, along with covid, facilitated the conditions – it took a lot for me to finally stop and completely rest. Completely. Stop and rest and allow for some baseline rewiring to occur back to the me before all of the ideas and conditioning – back to basics. Step 1, Step 2, Step 3 – questions like. Have I slept enough? What do I want to eat? What do I enjoy? What does my body need? what is my intuition, my inner voice guiding me to do?

Slowly, I am learning a deeper care and nourishment that is in alignment – that requires no drill sergeant, and instead a great deal of atunement and willingness to care for and trust Me.